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Possible rewording of plaque

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Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Allisonmarsh01:15, 14 February 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Jason.k.hui22:42, 17 March 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Allisonmarsh19:36, 18 March 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Jason.k.hui17:40, 25 March 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Allisonmarsh19:55, 25 March 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Lise Johnston18:31, 17 April 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Allisonmarsh16:12, 25 June 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Jason.k.hui17:46, 25 June 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Feisel18:54, 30 June 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Administrator419:12, 21 July 2014
 

Would you accept the following re-wording?

The "Brown Box" console, developed at Sander Associates - now BAE Systems - between 1967 and 1968, was the first interactive video game system. This groundbreaking and pioneering device spawned the commercialization of interactive video entertainment, which has become a multi-billion dollar industry.


The repositioning of the phrase shifts the subject (Brown Box) to the nominative (first interactive video game). As it was before, the plaque read that it was the first game developed by Sander, meaning there could be an earlier interactive video game elsewhere.

Also, would you like to mention that it became the Magnavox Odyssey, which might have more name recognition?

Jason.k.hui22:44, 22 July 2014